Our elderly parents refuse to leave Jamaica
Dear Pastor,
I am a 50-year-old woman and my brother is 55. Our parents are in their late 70s and they are living in Jamaica, while my brother and I are living in North America.
We visit our parents often. We have been encouraging them to sell the house and move to America, where we are. Both of them have green cards, but both are reluctant to leave Jamaica. They have their friends in Jamaica, but some of them are also living with their children in North America.
My mother constantly says that she does not want to be put in a senior citizens' home when she gets older and is feeble. She wants us to promise her that we will never put her in an old folk's home.
My brother and I cannot assure our mother that that will not happen, so she says unless she can have that assurance, she would rather stay in Jamaica and have someone live with her. She said they will survive on the little pension that they are getting. We know that their pension is not enough.
We had a relative of ours staying with our parents, but the relative did not treat them well. She used to sneak men into our parents' home. My father found out because one of the men who she had visiting her used to smoke the weed, and my father said he used to smell it. The relative would bring Jesus off the cross by telling my father that she did not have a man there. So, my father told her to leave.
The property we have in Jamaica is too large for my parents to maintain. My brother and I know that we will rather have our parents with us as they are getting old and feeble. We would appreciate a word of advice from you.
Initial withheld
Dear Writer,
It is good to know that you are concerned about your ageing parents. Many children today do not allow the age or welfare of their parents to trouble them at all. Your parents seem to prefer remaining in their own home in Jamaica. Many of their friends are still here, and if they live in a quiet neighbourhood with loving neighbours, it would be very difficult for them to leave.
This is not an easy decision for your parents to make. If either you or your brother were in Jamaica, it would likely not be a concern for them at all. However, I'm sure that both of you often think about their medical care and the heavy financial burden you might face if they were to fall ill. The cost of living in Jamaica has risen sharply -- everything is expensive. We've even been told that the minimum wage will soon increase again, which will likely push prices even higher.
From what you've said, your parents still seem to be active and able to move around. My suggestion is that while they are still capable of doing much for themselves, you and your brother should make plans to invite them to America for a visit. Use the opportunity to gently persuade them and show them that life there could be more comfortable -- but please, don't try to force them.
It's unfortunate that the relative who lived with them disrespected their home by allowing a man to stay there, especially one who smoked ganja. That was very irresponsible of her. Perhaps you can find another relative -- or even someone outside the family -- who is trustworthy, mature, and respectful. This person could live with your parents and assist them with errands, such as grocery shopping and paying bills.
Finally, I would advise against promising your parents that you'll never place them in a senior citizens' home. That might not be a wise commitment to make at this stage, as circumstances can change.
I wish you and your family all the best as you continue to care for your parents.
Pastor