Husband says that I’m too fat

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I have been reading your column from I was in high school. One of my teachers always quoted you. I grew up with my grandmother.

She was not married, but she had two daughters. One of them left for England and helped to support my grandmother. Then my mother left for America when I was about 13 years old. She spoke to me often and then I rarely heard from her. Then my grandmother told me that she heard that my mother got married.

One day I received a call from my mother and she told me not to worry, and that whatever she did in America would benefit me. I asked her if she got married and she said yes and she told me that the man was nice. She called me back and I spoke to this man. I graduated with five subjects. I got into teachers' college and now I am teaching in a secondary school for girls.

I am married. My mother did not come to my wedding because she spoiled her visa. I got pregnant and I have a son. It has been four months since I gave birth, and my husband has not touched me. When I tell him that I need him, he tells me that I am too fat and I need to go on a diet. He does not find me attractive any more. I have done everything to get his attention. He takes care of me; I cannot complain about that. But I need him. My emotional and sexual needs are not being taken care of.

I know he does not have another woman. I have had to do things to help myself while my husband is lying on his back sleeping and snoring. I am still a beautiful woman, but my husband does not find me attractive. I am working on my very big belly. I know that will go down. So I am doing the exercises that I was told to do. How can I get my husband to change? I love him so much.

G.A.

Dear G.A.,

It is not unusual for some men to ignore their wives during pregnancy. Your husband told you that you do not attract him any more.

Some men say exactly that to their women when they are pregnant. On the other hand, some men are very proud of their women during their pregnancy and they like to show off with them and to play with their tummy, and even to talk to the little one that they are carrying.

I knew a man who used to talk like a little child as if the child understood what he was saying. But back to your husband and the struggles you are having to get him to love you. I hope that you are not telling him harsh words or accusing him of looking at other women. What you probably should do is to join a gym and to do the correct exercises that will put you back in shape. You should have a trainer at the gym who knows what they are about, and you should follow the instructions that you are given. You should also talk to your doctor who will put you on a diet. If you follow the diet, it will not be long before you are in good shape again. So, don't worry yourself.

I don't know what you are doing to help yourself, but you know what you are doing. Perhaps you will have to continue doing so for a while.

Pastor