Boyfriend still seeing his ex

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have been living with a man for two years. We have one child together, but he had three children before that with three different women.

When I met him, he told me that he wanted to settle down and he was looking for a good woman. I asked him what happened to his three babymothers. He said one of them is an obeah worker, one stole his money, and the other cheated on him, but he takes care of his children. He did not want to have anything more to do with these women.

When I met him he was driving a truck and had contracts with different companies to move their goods around. Sometimes I used to travel with him. Many women would call him and he would tell them that I was with him, so he would call them back. I didn't mind going out with him because at the end of the week, he paid me as if I was working with him. He had a young man working with him, but whenever I was travelling with him, he told the young man not to come to work.

One day we went to Manchester, where he grew up. His mother was not at home and while we were waiting for her to come, we had sex on her bed. I felt awful. He didn't think anything was wrong with that, but I did. I got pregnant because he did not have any condoms and he discharged in me. After I found out that I was pregnant, I did not travel around with him any more.

This man is 50. I told him I want to live a decent life and I don't like the life we are living. He says we are living a decent life, because he has stopped chasing girls and I get whatever I want from him. Whenever he is upset, he curses me loudly; the neighbours can hear him. I have started to work. The pay is small. He told me that I should give up my job and he would help me to open a store. I don't want him to spend that money on a store. I am afraid that he will close it down if I don't do what he wants me to do.

I found out that he still goes to one of his children's mothers. People told me that they have seen him with her. That is the one he said cheated on him. She is always calling on him to do favours for her and he goes. When I ask him why, he says it's because she is his child's mother and whatever he does for her, his child benefits.

I want to get married, but he is more interested in getting me pregnant again. But that will never happen because I am using protection, and he doesn't know about it. I am planning to leave the island. My relatives are working on something in America for me. I do not plan to tell him. When I get there I will call him and let him know. I am so fed up with this man, and fed up with my life.

O.L.

Dear O.L.,

This man is a user and a liar. Unless a radical change takes place in his life, he will continue to fool around. Hold on to your job, because he is not the type of man that you can trust. He has not given up all his children's mothers. You may suggest that both of you go to see a counsellor, but I doubt that he will be willing to go. If he is reluctant, move on. You are still young; you will survive and get ahead in life. Don't stay with this man and waste your time.

Pastor