Friend stealing my perfumes

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and I have been married for one year. My husband and I do not have children as yet. When he met me, it was love at first sight. We went out for six months.

I introduced him to my best friend. My husband travels a lot, so sometimes he is not in the island. I started to invite my friend to the house. I told my husband that because I am alone, I would like her to stay with me at times and he agreed. I found out that this girl will search everything I have in my vanity. She has even taken out my underwear and worn them without my permission. I was not pleased about that, but she said that she did not walk with enough to wear and it was raining, so hers could not be washed and dried. We do not have a washing machine.

I HAVE TO LOCK MY ROOM DOOR

I forgave her, but then she started using my perfumes. I told her that could not continue and I had to hide my most expensive perfume. But I did not know that someone could steal so much. The perfume is not as strong as it used to be. Somehow, she was able to open the bottles, poured out some of the contents, and added water to what was left. I did not fuss with her. I gave her the bottles that she tampered with. She has used my lotions as if they were hers. So I told my husband that whenever he is coming to Jamaica, he should buy extra bottles for her, but I would not let her down by telling him what she did.

I have had to lock my room whenever I am leaving and restrict her to her room. That caused her to have me up, but I told her that I did that for security reasons. It is hard to lock my friend out of my room, as we have been friends for many years. But I know that if I did not do so, she might try to steal my jewellery or money. I cannot accuse her of stealing my jewellery. I have them in a little drawer. She has borrowed earrings to attend functions, but I asked her for them the following day.

Do you think that I should tell this girl not to return? I feel so sorry for her, but I can't trust her. She told me she has met a man, but he is living with another woman, and she is not in love with him. He has four children with two different women and he is not very refined. He is still renting and he is 40. He said his children's mother is lazy and does not keep the house tidy.

What should I tell this girl to do? She is paying rent and she is not in a good neighbourhood. What advice can you give me?

V.D.

Dear V.D.,

I suggest that you confront your friend about what she did. You spoke to her about wearing your underwear, but you should also tell her that you realise that she tampered with your perfumes. I was not even aware that a person could open these bottles and pour water in them. You should tell her that you are disappointed in her. You are a very good friend to her, because you have encouraged your husband to bring lotion and other things for her.

She is now involved with a man, but he is not the type of man that she loves. The man is living with his children's mother and he is not refined. You can teach her how to clean him up, but then it would not be fair to the other woman. This man is not earning a big salary for your friend to take care of herself and to support his woman and his children. So it is evident that she is with the wrong man. She wants a man who will move her from the depressed area in which she lives to a much better place. She also needs to get a better-paying job so she will not have to depend on a man for financial support.

Don't prominently kick this girl out of your house. She is your friend. She has made mistakes. But let her know that you are aware of what she did, and it will take you a long time to regain trust in her.

Pastor