Girlfriend demanding I leave my mother’s house

January 27, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I listen to you every night. Your show is like a school. I have learnt a lot from you. I am 33 and living at my mother's house. I was once married but I have filed for divorce so I do not consider myself as a married man. I have one child with my wife and I have an outside child.

My mother is 60 and she told me that she would take care of the child I have with my wife because she was always saying before we broke up that "You should take your child and go". I was living in my father-in-law's place.

I am now dating another woman and she thinks that I am too old to be living at my mother's house. She wants us to rent a place and live together. I asked my mother what she thought about that and she said I was a big man, but she believed that I would be blowing money. At her home I am not paying rent and all I am expected to do is to contribute to utilities and give her money for food. That sounded reasonable to me. So I said that to the young lady I am dating. She said only little boys live at their parents' home, but I know what she wants.

I told her that my mother would not object if she spent a weekend with me, but I don't want to live with any woman at my mother's house. We are the same age. She took me to look at a two-bedroom house and the rent is $45,000 per month. I am not ready to spend that amount of money. Plus, I have to support my child. I have siblings and they are living in Canada and America. My child and I occupy one room at my mother's house. It is a three-bedroom house. My mother said that my child should have his own room, but I do not mind sharing it with my little son for the time being. I only make $180,000 per month, so I don't want to spend so much money on rent.

I don't want to lose my girlfriend. But if I should leave my mother's house, I would have to help her with many things. It is just too much for me to bear. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to leave me and she said no, but she couldn't bear the stress because I am not ambitious. Pastor, I know I am ambitious, but I am not a fool. What do you think and what do you suggest?


Dear A.P.,

I am sorry to hear that you and your wife are not together. Evidently, your wife wanted to control you, but the woman that you are with now doesn't seem to be using common sense.

I want to ask this question: why is it that some women feel that something is very wrong if a man has chosen to live at his parents' house? Sometimes circumstances may cause a man or woman to do so. If a woman loves a man and she believes that he should leave his parents' house, she should give him time to do so and she should work with him.

You say this woman took you to see a place that is being rented for $45,000 and you cannot afford that. You should just tell the woman that you are not prepared to live there. It would be a shame for you to move into that place, pay the first rent and struggle to pay every month. That would be very foolish. You should not move anywhere and expect your woman, whether it is this woman or another woman, to pay the rent for you. So regardless of what this lady said, don't hang your hat higher than you can reach it. Stay at your mother's home and save to buy your own place. I am assuming that you are a National Housing Trust contributor. There are some affordable houses being built everywhere; perhaps you can apply for one.

Why is it that you have been tolerating this woman who has been insulting you by telling you that you don't have any ambition? Well, let me answer my own question. Perhaps you don't have any ambition indeed, because if you had ambition you wouldn't be with this woman. Take your time and rebuild your life. I say rebuild because when a person gets divorced, they are starting all over. I wish you well.


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