I am in love with my uncle

January 14, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I have a problem I want to relate to you. I consider you the right person to talk to about this matter. I am 25 and I have a deep love in my heart for my uncle.

He knows I love him, and he loves me. When I was 19, I went to stay with him. He gave me my own room and he had his own room. His wife was away for a few days and she knew that I was there. My parents did not think anything was wrong with me going there; he was my special uncle, and I was his special niece.

From the time I was a child, he has given me anything I needed, and he helped to send me to school. So when I went to visit him, several times during the night I would go into his room and stay with him. I remember him asking me why I liked to come into his bed and I would laugh. First, I would play with his beard and then the hair on his stomach. I did that the first night and he fell asleep. Then I went to my bed after he fell asleep.

But another night while I was rubbing him down, he started rubbing me too, not only on my breast but also on my vagina. I ended up having sex with my uncle, and afterwards he said, 'Look what you made me do'.

Several times after that we had sex, but we only had unprotected sex the first time. Before I went to spend time with him, I had a boyfriend. He does not know that I cheated on him, and I will never tell him. To this very day, Pastor, if I need anything I can always call on my uncle. He always asks when I am getting married. I can never forget this man. Although my boyfriend takes good care of me, he can never take the place of my uncle. Once in a while I dream that my uncle has me in his arms, and it looks so real, but it is not. Please, tell me what to do.


Dear R.,

One of the reasons you have found it so very difficult to deal with your uncle is because you have fallen in love with him, and this started from the time you were a child.

He loved you and he honoured you. He treated you as someone who was very special, and although you had a boyfriend when you visited him, your boyfriend never treated you so special. Now you are 25 and you are still in love with this man. The relationship that you are having with him is deeper than family love. You should not have been in his bed in the first place. Perhaps you did that innocently and thought that when you were playing with his beard and the hair on his stomach, that it was just a fun-loving thing. He did not stop you; he liked it.

That continued into other nights, but he reciprocated and went much further, and both of you had sex several times during the duration of your stay. This is outright lust. Your uncle took advantage of you, but you liked it.

The day will come when you will realise that both of you did not have to go that far; your uncle is a bad man. The past cannot be changed, but I hope that you would learn to protect your daughters from men like him. I want you to forgive yourself for what happened to you. You see what he did the first time you had sex with him? He blamed you for allowing him to have sex with you. That's what some men do. He did not say, 'Look what I did to you'; he said, 'Look what you made me do'. Men mostly blame women for the wrongs that they do. You are 25.

May the Lord bless you with a good husband, and a good home and happiness. Again I say, forgive yourself for what has occurred between you and your uncle. But do not trust him at all.


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