8 keys to a happier marriage

December 15, 2015

Husbands and wives, we continue from last week with more tips to further the process of keeping intimacy alive in your relationship.


3. Speak plainly


Clear communication leads to a better marriage; however, it can be difficult. But if you have something to say, whether it is to voice some upset, to show that you care or anything else, then you must speak plainly so the other person can understand. One should avoid the bad habit of stonewalling. This is when the partner simply shuts the other out, going silent, ignoring them or even leaving for a time. Stonewalling results in frustration and anger and quietly leads to cycles of increasing problems, as one person stonewalls while the other becomes more and more frustrated.

You are, therefore, encouraged to speak plainly, avoid passive aggression, avoid games and avoid speaking indirectly. When you say what you mean and communicate your feelings clearly, the other person has a proper chance to respond.


4. Be vulnerable


Too often we don't want to put your feelings and thoughts out there, especially if we've had a bad experience or if simply taught to be that way by watching parents and peers. Admitting that you are vulnerable - everyone is - is the corollary to speaking plainly.

It is important to remember that you love each other. If you both speak plainly and admit vulnerability, then you will be able to resolve problems. It may take time. You may have many hurdles to get over, but it is important for the health of the marriage.

The flip side of being vulnerable is you get hurt sometimes. Don't let this close you off. Whatever the case, you don't need to hide away. Without being open to hurt, you won't be open to the joys of marriage and relationships.


5. Accept your partner


It is tempting to find a person and try to shape them into the partner you really want. Trying to change a person never works.

People know when they are not accepted in their entirety, and it hurts.

Of course, if there are too many things you want to change, it is important to face that you may be expecting too much. Spending your marriage trying to shift habits and personalities is like trying to push large stones up a mountain. It is tiring and not very fun at all.


6. Spend time together


A relationship without any face time is going to have problems. There are happy couples who spend months apart because of work commitments, but they are few and far between, and more often than not, their happiness is more a testament to their character and emotional abilities than anything else.

Of course, spending time together doesn't simply mean being in the same room. It means actively finding time where you engage with each other. It may even take effort, but remember, a happy marriage takes work!

See next week for the last two keys to a happier marriage.

Other Carla Dunbar Stories