Six Habits of Happily Married Couple


October 27, 2015

This is a continuation of last week's feature, 'Habits of Happily Married Couples'. I hope this help you to keep your relationship together.

Habit #4 - Use good communication skills to resolve hot issues

The techniques that every couple must learn are called the listener-speaker technique. The problem with the way most couples argue is that they try to find solutions before fully giving each other the chance to say what they need to say.

The speaker-listener technique ensures that before you can engage in solution talk, each person feels they have been fully heard.

Only after each person has been fully heard do you proceed to problem solving.

Here's how it works: One person holds an object in their hand which symbolises that he or she has the floor. While one person has the floor, the other person can only listen by repeating or paraphrasing what the other person said. The listener can stop the speaker if he or she is saying too much, and ask the speaker to repeat.

When couples use this technique, it automatically ensures that each person will be able to say everything he or she needs to say without interruption, rebuttals, criticism or attack. Only after each person has been fully heard do you then proceed to problem solving.

Habit #5 - Constantly turn towards each other, rather than away

When you pass your spouse sitting at her desk working, do you stop and rub her shoulders, give her a kiss on the cheek and whisper something nice in her ear; or do you just walk on by? This is the meaning of 'turning toward' as opposed to 'turning away'.

Happily married couples have ways to constantly be emotionally close to each other.

Marriage research shows that happily married couples do a lot of 'turning toward' each other whenever they get the chance. They look for ways to be physically and emotionally close to each other. Turning toward each other means making each other your number one priority.

Another important aspect of turning toward each other is doing things together that you both enjoy. Taking walks together, drinking coffee together after dining, praying and studying the word together and listening to music together, are all examples of how couples turn toward each other. A powerful way to turn toward each other is to show the ultimate respect of standing when your spouse enters the room. Sounds old fashioned? It is. But it is a powerful way to turn toward your spouse and make him/her feel special. Couples who "turn away" from each other don't develop closeness.

Habit #6 - Infuse your lives with shared meaning

I often ask singles the following question: "After you're married, what do you plan to do for the next 40 years?" Then I usually follow up by saying, "Besides having fun, what else you will do with each other?"

One important thing is to share a common philosophy of life purpose.

Human beings need meaning like we need water. Happily married couples enrich their relationship by sharing meaningful experience with each other. The ultimate in meaning is to share a common philosophy of life and life purpose. When couples share truly meaningful experiences, they bond on a deeper level.

These six habits may seem small, but when practised intentionally and consistently, they will form the backbone of a deeply fulfilling marriage.

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